Half time Chat …

You know, I think I’m getting to judge the quality of a movie, by now, by something that may or may not strike you as odd.

Possibly odd.

Or possibly odd, if you don’t know me and the Movie Night Gang, by now.

Actually, I’ve got to admit that tonight, the regular mob — Movie Night Adrian, at his spell-bindingly talkative best, Dr Kevin, in charmingly chatty mode and me, your humble reviewer — were joined by old friend Movie Night Paul, who’d not joined us for quite some time.

He’s been looking to form a band and not only been jamming regularly, but also been trying to find a drummer.

Or build what sounds like a very Heath Robinsonesque drum machine, I’m not sure which …

I’m burbling, aren’t I … ?

The point I’m trying to make is that I’m starting to be able to have a stab at the quality of a movie, by seeing if it keeps a collection of people’s attention held for however long it’s on for.

Tonight’s film was — the French-made, 2004, Pierre Morel directed — District 13*, which sees parkour stars, David Belle and Cyril Raffælli, as District 13 resident, Leito and police man, Damien, desperately tracking down a bomb which has due to go off in exactly 24 hours.

Hmmm …

And I think this one’s going to maybe not get much of a rating from me, going on that attention thing I was talking about …

You see, what usually happens during these little get-togethers — roughly half way through whatever film we’re watching — is what I like to think of as the Half-Time Tea-break.

Which is hopefully self explanatory.

Hopefully …

It gives me a chance, as host, to brew up another pot of tea and dig out another round of whatever sweeties we’ve collectively brought along.

And gives everyone a chance to have a bit of a natter about whatever film we watching.

Like I say, I’m usually in the kitchen, earwiggin’ happily.

Fourteen years as a professional barman does give you an idea of the mood of the crowd and an ability to keep busy whilst listening to two or three conversations at once: as a result, drunkˑ, sober or otherwise, I can usually tell if my friends are enjoying a film.

Everyone’ll be nattering about it, and how keen they are to get started on the second half.

Gwen, Sarah and Allison, bless ’em, are rather good at that: if they’re here.

But so are Paul, Adrian and Dr Kevin.

The half time chatter’ll be mostly about the film, and various idea’s spring off from it.

Dr Kevin’s rather good at that, as is Adrian: there be a ton of strange ideas springing from him about whatever he feels may be relevant. I usually find myself fascinated, hearing him and Adrian bouncing ideas back and forth.

But District 13 … ?

Mmmm …

Oh, dear, District 13 …

The Half-Time Tea-break usually takes not much more than about twenty minutes or so to work its way to someone enthusiastically saying “Let’s watch the rest of the film …”

Tonight, though?

I’ve got to admit, tonight’s Half-Time Tea-break was actually more of an attention grabber than the actual film …

And took an hour …

I really wish I could’ve recorded it, it was fascinating to hear the directions Adrian, Kevin and Paul was going in.

Probably make for an interesting late night TV discussion show.

Which is kind of my point, really.

District 13º is a film that’s beautifully shot, with some great little action scenes, car chases and Parkour sequences.

But tonight’s movie is going to be a rarity, for me.

District 13 is going to be one of the very few films I’m going to tell you not to bother with.

I’m going to tell you — frankly — to spend your money on something else.

Anything else.

Because I think practically anything else …

Is going to hold you attention for longer …

* Or Banlieue 13, in the original French.

ˑ I refer you to the comment about having been a professional barman. Fourteen years of that gives you an ability to have a rough guess of how a group of people’s feeling, whatever actual state they’re in. Most of us regular movie nighters don’t drink. For us, it’s a nice way of cheaply spending a social get together, without involving alcohol. Whether that’s your idea of fun, I don’t know. But it keeps us happy …

º I can’t help but think District 13, for me, is like a beautifully done, abstract painting. Now I’m normally no art fan: but I know what I like. I personally, would look at a portrait or landscape, and be imaging some form of story that I think it’s trying to tell me. I find that easier if a picture involves people. But I also know some paintings are — to me — skillfully done, wonderful to look at … but aren’t actually telling me a story. Much like the few prints I’ve seen of the work of Jackson Pollock, for example. District 13 is like his work, for me. Nicely done, and I can admire the technical skill that’s gone into it … but it’s not actually saying anything to me …