Back At The Job Centre ...

This is literally going to be a quick post: courtesy of Brentwood Library.

As I'm in town!

At any rate, I've just signed on: the usual thing, that says I'm available to work should a job come my way: and should any jobs be available.

As part of my first time back, after being on the Work Program for two years, I'm supposed to have been seen by a personal adviser: who'll advise me on what happens next, and what help the Job Centre can offer me.

Guess what?

The chap was ill.

Story of my life, that ... !

The Work Programme: Some Thoughts.

You know, yesterday was … interesting … ish … 

At least form my viewpoint, it was.

I had my last appointment at the UK government’s flagship Work Programme, yesterday: the scheme that the Government hopes will help the long-term unemployed — like me — back into employment.

I say interesting, when I think the word I’m after — or one of them — is bittersweet.

After all, and even though I only had to travel a few miles, it was an afternoon/morning out, in somewhere other than Brentwood.   The fact something of a routine day-trip has now come to an end is bittersweet: and some I’ll miss, having gotten used to it.

There’s all kinds of issues with that day out, and its end, though.

As I’ve already said, the Work Programme is the government’s attempt to help the long-term unemployed back into work: and is supposed to last for two years.

If you get a job in that period, the staff at the Programme are supposed to supply funding and help for the rest of the two year period, in order to help you keep the job.   So if you get a job, having been on the Programme for a year, they’re supposed to give help and funding for another year, for example.

In my case, though … ?

I have to admit to being something of a tough case.   I’ve something of a patchy employment history: and a personal history best described as colourful.   One I feel means many employers would prefer to hire someone else, whatever upside there may be to hiring me.

Given those circumstances … ?

Given those, you’d think — think — I’d maybe get a little extra help.   That’s possibly debatable.

EITHER way, I was on the Work Programme for the maximum allowed two years.

Two years of getting a bus to Basildon — where my local Work Programme, run by a company called SEETEC, is based — at public expense.   (I buy the ticket, in Brentwood: SEETEC pays me my bus-fare: and then claims it back from the government, as expenses.)

I’ll be frank: I had some three to four (unsuccessful) interviews with various companies, in that first year on the Programme.

And I’ll give SEETEC their due: they covered the cost of the bus-fare for one of those, which was in Basildon.   AND covered the cost of a new pair of trousers, and a shirt: so I could look at least half way presentable.

They also signed me up for a CV writing course: and for a an afternoon workshop on how to write a cover letter.   Something that had a helpful; side: but only in as far as it confirmed a few points I already knew or suspected.

~≈†≈~

So that’s a point to them, I think.

However, I think I have other areas to complain about.

Doctors … 

Or at least GPs, I should say.   One reason we like having the same family doctor, in my experience, is a simple, old fashioned idea.

Continuity of service.   The simple fact that you get to know your GP over a course of many years: and their knowledge of you, as a long term patient, gives them a touch more insight into you, your behaviour when well, and what could be going wrong for you, just by seeing what you look like, when you walk through the door, today.

The fact is, SEETEC seemed to have an unbelievably high staff turnover.   Certainly at the level of the client advisers: the people who’d be dealing with I, and others, who came in through the door.

Early on, in the first year … ?   I was assigned an adviser called Julie.   I got into the office, that particular Monday, the office manager told me my new adviser was called Julie, and was sitting on “ … that desk over there.”   I had something like a half-hour review with her, where I told her what I was doing to find a job and we reviewed my CV: and looked at potential career options.

When I got back, to weeks later … ?

She’d got another job.

I had a couple of others who lasted for maybe two visits, roughly a fortnight apart.

You see my point, here … ?

There was little in the way of continuity of service.   Little time for a client adviser to get to know their client base, and suggest appropriate actions for each client, on a case by case basis.

~≈†≈~

Which is the other thing that struck me.

The course on offer.

Now, I mentioned I had a CV writing course and a cover letter writing course?

They were … handy … if not as intense, as possible.

Or as immediately useful as I felt they could have been.

On a personal front … ?   I should point out that I’ve a Level 2 NVQ in Customer Services.

It’s not much: but does at least tell prospective employers I know how to use a till, can be polite to customers, and know where to look for the First Aid box — and the First Aid person — should someone fall over.

In the two years I was at the Work Programme?   None of the advisers turned around and said something to the effect of “Oh, by the way, we do the Level Three Customer Services NVQ: is that something you’d like to sign up for, Paul?   That might persuade prospective employers you’re a good person to hire.”

There’s also a course doing the rounds called  the ECDL: or European Computer Driving Licence.   It‘s a basic computer literacy course.

Granted, I believe myself to be a touch more computer literate than some: but having that to my name was something I feel could again, have been helpful.

It was something that my local job centre has run in the past: and no doubt will do so again.

Of course, when I asked my local jobcentre about signing up for it … ?   They told me to ask the Work Programme.

Who — to be fair — had heard of it.   But couldn’t fund my doing it in Basildon: nor did they have one in Brentwood I could attend.

Encouraging, that … 

~≈†≈~

There’s possibly more I could tell you, there.

Possibly.

I could be telling you that, according to a Radio Four programme in November of last year, that the Work Programme seems to be not working for a quite a few people like me.

That some charities are critical of how the Programme is structured, as it gives them little incentive to do a proper job of the thing. 

That the Programme really isn’t helping the disabled finding suitable jobs.

That the programme is a waste of money.   Speaking as someone who’s had his return bus fare to Basildon paid for him, with out seeing any kind of return, I cannot disagree.

There’s possibly a lot of things I could be saying.

I will, however, close with this thought.

There are many who would argue that the unemployed need some sort of help to find work.

One thing that would … ?   Is having plenty of jobs around that are both suitable for those out of work: and willing to hire those of us who are — at first glance — tough to see as good employees.

The other thing that would help … ?

Speaking from my own experience, would be a Work Programme that’s more helpful than the one I’ve just attended for two years.

Working For Benefits

Hmmm … 

Have you ever watched a politician and wondered if they really know what your end of the street’s like … ?

No, really … ?

You see, it’s conference time, in the UK: when Britain’s politicians get together for their annual shindigs: the public side of which includes a lot of varied policy announcements.

Including the Work for Benefit one proposed, today, by 

Basically, the policy seems to involve making sure that those of us who fail to find a job under the Work we have to attend, will have three choices.

Either do various types of community service.

Or sign on, on a daily basis.

Or do various training courses

The training courses … ?

I’m told the training will mostly literacy courses for those of us who need them: and not much else, by the sound of things.

Something that — from the little I know — already done as a matter of course.

The second, singing on, on a daily basis … ?

To be frank, for me, that’s not too much of an issue: I only live around the corner from Brentwood Job Centre, so it wouldn’t present problems.

At least, for me.

But having to travel to Basildon, for the work programme, once a fortnight means I’m VERY aware that I have to save money for bus fare.

That those in a similar position to me — but travelling to Brentwood — will have to keep aside the fare money for those daily trips.

Which means that, even given being able to claim any money back, that that’s money they will not be able to spend on food, gas, electricity, water rates, what have you.

Then there’s the third option: that of being forced to work for one’s benefit.

Right here and now … ?

Right here and now, this proposal, to me, sounds a LOT like enforced slave labour.

Or a variation of Demanding With Menaces.

We prosecute those.

The Official Staff Do …

Hmmm …

You know, I don’t know if you read the Teaser, this morning, but last night … ?

Last night was the official work Xmas Do … !

And I’ve got to make a confession, here: I think it’s the first one I’ve actually enjoyed.

Don’t forget, I spent about a decade and a half in the pub trade, which tends to collectively think that a good place to have a Christmas staff do … ?

Is the pub where you work …

Fun … ?

Yeah, exactly …

«•»

So spending time with a group of workmates — some of whom drink, some of whom don’t — in somewhere other than a pub was rather nice.

As was watching one of my co-workers ‘Heave it and Hope’ bowling technique …

«•»

At any rate …

At any rate, after all the frantic bowling, arcade game and head-butting* action, we all managed to end up in a little curry house in Romford called The Taj Mahal.

If you get the chance … ?

I’d gently suggest giving it a visit: at least two of my bosses are of Asian origin, and were mildly flattering about it.

I always think that’s a good sign.

* Long story …

CeX Lives

Hmmm …

You know, I’ve got to admit, I’ve sort of been mulling this over: and hoping I’ll not get into any sort of trouble about it …

But there we go …

At any rate, I’ve got to admit, I’m now starting to happily get settled into my new job.

Which — in case you were wondering — is with a company called CeX.

Pronounced ‘sex’ so you know.

Leads to all sorts of fun when you’re handing out leaflets: can you imagine walking up too any of Brentwood’s monastic community and asking them if they’d like to talk about Sex … ?

The mind boggles: no, really …

||»»◊««||

But …

Lets get serious, here, shall we … ?

Yes, I think think I should …

||»»◊««||

Do you remember me telling you, a little while back, that I had a job interview to go for … ?

Well, I did …

The company in question was CeX: who’ve been going, now, for something like twenty or so years.

Old for a technology company, when you think about it, but relatively recent compared to many high-strett retailers

And what they do … ?

Or what we do, I should say … ?

Is simple.

We buy and sell second hand electronic kit.

Everything from games — for the Playstation 2, 3 and PSP, Xbox 360, Wii, DS and Game Cube — to films and TV series on DVDs and blu-ray.

To both the consoles, themselves, to TVs and monitors to connect them to, and laptops and desktops, as well.

AND second hand mobile phones, as well, so that you can tell your friends about the bargain you’ve picked up.

||»»◊««||

You can imagine my reaction, when I realised that we had some fairly recent model second-hand Macs, can’t you … ?

And just as importantly, from where I’m sitting, still-sealed copies of iWorks ’09, iLife 11 and Microsoft Office 11: For Mac, as well.

Not that I’d be interested in the latter, you should know me better than that by now.

Lets get back on message, shall we … ?

||»»◊««||

At any rate, what the company does is buy in second-hand bits of electronic kit.

We check the state of any DVD, Blu-ray and CDs we get in.

We also test any hardware we get, as well.

Say you want to sell us your old mobile phone*, for example. And, incidentally, want to buy one you’ve seen in our window.

You have to join up for membership, for starters. It’s a formality, really, and you need ID, but it means we can offer you cash for your phone, instead of just a credit note.

Once that’s done, we’ll take the phone in for testing: check it’s still capable of holding a battery charge, for one thing, and that it’s capable of making and receiving calls, and what ever else it may do. And that it’s not stolen, as well.

Usually, that can take anything up to an hour or so, depending on how busy the day is.

Once that’s done, we can give you a better idea of the price we can offer you — cash or credit note — which is when you decide that you’d like to either not bother.

Or accept the price we’re offering you.

Once you’ve done that … ? And made sure you’ve signed all the necessary paperwork … ?

That’s when we can start talking about that iPhoneº in the window you’re interested in.

||»»◊««||

Now, I’ve got to admit, I’m hoping to come out of the initial trial period well.

And I’mstressing the hope, I should add.

After all, someone my age comes in expensive, going on the minimum wages we get.

So I’m hoping my time-keeping and general reliability counts in my favour, here.

And my customer facing experience, as well, even though it is with-in a different — very different — industry.

After some fifteen years in the licensed trade … ?

The change is challenging.

And all the more fun for that …

||»»◊««||

* I’m using a phone as an example, here: the same basic procedure applies to any games consoles, computers or accessories you’d like to trade in.

º Blackberry, Nokia N90, what-have-you …

A Post-Work Post

Bloody Hell!

I’ve got to admit, I don’t think I’ve worked that hard since …

Well …

Lets call it a long time, and leave it there, shall we … ?

But to be frank … ?

The new job, so far, is tiring. Very much so, in fact, I hadn’t realised exactly unfit I was getting, being out of work.

Bits of me are as stiff as the proverbial board.

And not the enjoyable bits, either.

Oy veh!

At any rate, I’ll be honest, I’m now formally a working person!

And if the pay’s good enough — doubtful, I know — but if it is … ?

I think a new TV may be in order … !

There’s ALSO the possibility of upgrading Bruce, as well: if we actually manage to get the right kind of memory in.

Hey ho!

|||»»»•«««|||

Two more things, I think.

First off … ?

I’m promised one of the people I was training with I’d post up the Laws of Nak at some point: so without much ado …

Law 1.

Never get involved in domestic incidents; especially if the domestic incidentee’s names are over the door.

Fingers Could Get BURNT.

Law 2.

a) Don’t work in a pub you couldn’t drink in, BUT don’t drink in the pub you work in.

This one’s IMPORTANT! AND, as a consequence to this; – NEVER DRINK ON DUTY!

b) Go To Work on a Nutritionally Sound Breakfast. Rather than a Hangover.

There’s quite a lot to be said, here. For starters, the basic point I’m trying to convey is simply that part of a given pub’s atmosphere is supplied by us, whether we’re drinking on the job, or preferably after a shift; – drinking before a shift starts isn’t a good thing, either, I should add. Let’s face it, how many of us have stunning cash handling skills? Or customer interactions? Adding alcohol to the mix doesn’t help, nor, in my view, create a good impression on the punters, either, especially those oh so important first time visitors. With due care and diligence, Laws 1), & 3) may be bent, or broken. Law 2), as with 8)b) CAN’T! And God Help You if it kicks off, and you ARE pissed on the job; you might have stopped it, if you hadn’t been in a worse state. And please, at all times remember, we are dealing with a drug that is not known for improving behaviours; many of us forget this, and the fact that other industries find drinking on the job unacceptable. Cross reference this lot with Law’s 17, and 24.

Law 3.

The customer is always pissed, no-matter how right they are.

They tend to behave badly, in that state. For a given value of both ‘Badly’, and ‘Pissed’.

If they’re not … either you’re doing something wrong, or they’ve got a higher tolerance for alcohol than they thought.

Law 4.

Never forget the expandable rhubarb.

Curve-balls are handy.

Law 5.

Remember the Roadie’s Mantra, it’ll come in handy one day.

“If It’s Wet, Drink It,

If It’s Dry, Smoke It

If It moves, Shag It,

If It Don’t Move,

STICK IT IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!”

Law 6.

There’s always one.

At Least. And, in the case of pub comedians, pub quiz teams, and the more odious punters that haven’t been barred, yet, several.

Law 7.

The boss is always right, that’s why their name’s over the door.

But there’ll be another one along, in a minute.

Law 8.

a) Keep your eye out for the pub bore, he or she will turn up.

b) Keep glasses out of the way of the violent drunks, and make sure the boss is in between you and them. After all, the boss is insured.

c) Avoid Messiah’s. And don’t fall into the hands of a Hero. I’m with Frank Herbert, on this.

Law 9.

If you can’t improve the silence, say nothing.

Originally attributed by someone to something he saw quoted in a newspaper, somewhere.

Interestingly inspirational, but…!

Law 10.

Time goes past at one second per second.

Git, isn’t it…?

Law 11.

Stacked Glasses are potentially Cracked Glasses.

Remember that.

Law 12.

When you end a customer’s order with the question, “…is there anything else?” what you actually mean is “Mine’s a triple vodka…”

Or pint of lager, or ￡4•57p for a pot of coffee and a cake, or a week with a high class Russian hooker/male escort……you get the idea!

Law 13.

Be Bloody Careful with the mixed messages from the drunk horny types.

Condoms are easy to pick up, rape charges hard to avoid.

Pissed & Horny can also turn easily into Pissed & Angry; – Keep that in mind.

This is deadly serious and something I can’t stress enough; to put it bluntly, all they usually want to do is flirt with a pretty face when they’re ordering their drink. If they want more, they will tell you; – WHEN THEY ARE SOBER ENOUGH TO DO SO!! Do NOT take them home, unless you’re bloody certain it’s what you both want, you’ve both made the decision to do so, and that what happens there is something that you both want to happen. Some friends of mine are on the fetish scene and they always stress three words; “Safe, Sane Consensual”. Of the three, the third’s the relevant one, in my view. Informed Consent, and being in a fit state to give it, receive it, and understand the transaction, is crucial, whatever way we’re kinked. Being in a state to understand that’s important. Like I say, rape charges…

Law 14a.

It doesn’t matter how busy the pub is, you’ve seen nothing and no-one.

NOT naming names is an obvious ancillary point, here. In summary, discretion is everything, basically.

Law 14b.

For HP’s sake, please remember; – the dog collar comes with the job.

And, no, I do NOT mean the ones being worn by the entertaining ladies with corsets!

Law 15.

At times, Real Ale doesn’t need pouring, so much as constructing.

Law 17.

Sleeping with the boss might be tempting, but …

Law 18.

If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong, at the most awkward time, and at approximately the same rate as in a Christmas episode of EastEnders.

Law 19.

Customers occasionally don’t mind their beer in the same glass. They’ve never heard about cross-contamination.

Obviously.

Law 22.

If you can’t be good, be careful.

And if you can’t be careful, wear an entertaining hat.

Law 23.

First in turns everything on, and fills up the ice-bucket, last out turns everything off, and empties the bin.

Law 24.

If dating someone you work with, remember; don’t go to bed on an argument and don’t go to work on an argument.

Law 25.

If it’s green, sticky, and in an amusingly trendy, and/or rude bottle, sell it to a gullible punter.

On no account, go near it, yourself; – Law 16, remember?

Law 26.

‘Multiple’ is generally a good word; – unless it’s anywhere near any variation of ‘vehicular’ or ‘injury’.

Unless you’re J.G.Ballard, of course.

Law 27.

Alcohol is corrosive.

As can be our response to it. Remember that.

Law 28.

It’s inflatable.

Please do NOT SMIRK!

Law 29a.

Anyone tells you the job’s glamourous, hit ’em.

The gene pool does NOT need idiots like this.

Law 29b.

And anybody tells you they wouldn’t mind doing the job, gently admonish them.

By tellin’ ’em to get their f**kin’ heads examined

Law 30.

Try not to keep the customers waiting.

Pissed and whinging isn’t good, if you’re on the receiving end.

Law 31.

At all times, remember; Look Busy.

If nothing else, it’ll make the boss look twice.

Law 32.

If all else fails, BLUFF!

And hope like hell you don’t get caught!

Law 33.

It’s not the colour of the customer’s skin; it the colour of their money!

Which sounds cynical, I know … Either way, I’m left wing enough to think that what ethnic background you’re from, what gender you are and who you choose to sleep with, really aren’t important. And that things like racism, sexism and homophobia, are basically bullying, by other names.

Law 34.

Work names, or pub nicknames are only to be used WHEN ON DUTY!!

I don’t get snotty, often, but …

Law 35.

Any one working the Ramp with you is family.

Seriously. You’ll be spending a lot of time with these guys.

Law 45.

Most of the above Laws can be ignored, if need be; – they’re more of a set of guidelines.

EXCEPT LAW 2) 13), 17), & 19).

Remember that.

Law 87.

Try not to drop anything.

Management do like to make a fuss.

As A Final Thought…

Enjoy the job.

But…

Get out,

when,

if,

as,

and while you can.

I managed to see this on YouTube and thought I’d share it …

Enjoy.

The Last Days Of Threshers On Earth

You know, technically, as I’m no longer employed at Threshers, I can afford to be a touch … talkative… about my time, there, I really can …

I mean, it’s not like they can sack me, now is it?

I mean, I can understand a company — any company — being wary about its employees sounding off about it, or its doing, but after it’s (effectively) dead, and being slowly buried?

That’s a different matter, altogether.

But I’m thinking that I and the rest of us who’ve worked there over the years, — like Will, the manager, on the left of the middle picture, and James, on the right — certainly owe the customers — like Kelly, who popped in for a bottle of Irn Bru — a big ‘Thank You’.

But as for the actual directors of First Quench Retail getting the same, from us, and everyone they’ve had to let go, by putting the company into administration?

I think, from what I’ve picked up, there’s many of us former Threshers employees who feel badly let down, if not actually betrayed.

The gossip I’ve picked up …

I know at one local branch, the manageress — someone who was very good at both the job, and at motivating her staff — was several months pregnant.

So I can’t see what’s happened as being welcome news.

And there’s a story doing the rounds that one branch manager got his posting on the 28th of October of this year.

The day before the company went into administration.

As you can imagine …

Well …

Now I’ve got to admit, I’ve enjoyed my time, there, I really have, as well as working with the people, there.

But I know that I’ve walked away from the experience feeling — or believing — a couple of things.

If you were following the news, you’ll know that, in the few days following the announcement of First Quench Retail going into administration, you’ll know they close 373 branches, straight away.

The the consensus — one I can’t help but agree with — was that if these lame duck stores had been closed down at least a year to 18 months ago, then the company would have been able to make quite a saving.

On top of that, there was the website …

Oh, dear LORD, the website.

Being something of a technology fan, the Threshers website was a disappointment.

A serious disappointment.

You could find any of our branches on the site, contact details, the names of the company executives, mission statements, diversity policies, what-have-you.

But you couldn’t do something crucial, in these cybernetically enhance, internet age.

You couldn’t — as with Tescos, Sainsburys, iTunes, Halfords, Amazon, Majestic, et al — buy our products online.

You couldn’t order, and pay for, a bottle of wine, and arrange for next day delivery or pick-up at your nearest branch.

Combine that with the simple fact that the Sainsburys of this world have been able to seriously under-cut their smaller competitors.

In this day and age, I feel that combination of factors has put me, and others, out of a job.

To nobody’s, least of all the former First Quench Retail’s directors credit.