John Carter — What do you mean, it got slated … ?

You know, I have to admit, I’ve had a quiet night in.

And … ?

Well, I’ll be honest.

I’ve seen a movie.

And, yes, before you ask, I’ve just watched the critically panned 2011, Andrew Stanton directed movie, John Carter.

And I have to ask, why WAS everyone complaining … ?

No, seriously … !

‹‹·››

Set in 1881, and based on the 1911book, A Princess Of Mars, John Carter sees Taylor Kitsch as the eponymous hero: a veteran of the US Civil war who — after going prospecting in parts of Arizona that the Arapaho still claim as theirs, hiding in a cave that is more haunted than he’d realised.

As a result … ?

Finding himself somehow transported to Mars — or Barsoom to its inhabitants — in the middle of a rampaging war between the city states of Zodanga, headed by Sab Than — Dominic West — and Helium, led by Tardos Mor ands his daughter, Dejah Thoris: Ciaran Hinds and Lynn Collins, respectively.

In the middle of all this … ?

In the middle of all this, Carter’s expected to learn to fight like a Thark: led by Willem Dafoe, as Tars Tarkis.

Confusing … ?

It shouldn’t be … !

‹‹·››

Now, I said in the title of this post, that John Carter got a lot of bad press.

I’ll be frank, I really can’t see why … !

OK, granted, it’s not exactly Pinter: but then a lot of things aren’t.

John Carter is, after all, something of a Pulp.

So don’t rent or download John Carter if you’re expecting a deeply meaningful movie about man’s place in the universe, and that universes’ relationship to the Immanent Godhead.

DO get it, if you’re wanting an evening of mindless Disney fun, with lots of aliens chasing each other all over Monument Valley.

You won’t be disappointed!

John Carter
★★☆☆