The Old Guard — A Review.

18th July, 2020.

Right now … ?

It has to be said, right now, I seriously need some cash.

I’m right when — in the video intro for this post — I say I need to see a film.

And need a haircut.

No … I really need a haircut … !

It’s getting frustratingly lank … !

~≈†≈~

It’s not, unfortunately, something I can do anything about … yet.

At least, until I get paid.

That’s the point I’ll be joining the queue for the nearest barbers.

Just me, there’s a a few of them: queues and barbers.

But it’s not something I can do anything about, right here and now.

Saying that, I can — and have — gone for the other option in I mention in the introduction.

Yes.

I’ve seen a film.

The Gina Prince-Bythewood directed, The Old Guard.

Hmmm … 

~≈†≈~

Based on the graphic novel of the same name, The Old Guard opens with the corpses of Andy, Booker, Joe and Nicky (Charlize Theron, Matthias Schoenaerts, Marwan Kenzari and Luca Marinelli), the scene flashes back: showing us the group meeting former CIA man, Copley (Chiwetel Ejiofor).

The ex agent wants to hire them to rescue a group of children kidnapped by South Sudanese militants.

It’s only when the group is completely killed by Copley’s agents, they realise they’ve been set up.

And Copley is able to confirm what he’s long suspected.

That Andy’s group of mercenaries are — apparently — immortal, and capable of shrugging off gunfire and injury the way normal humanity shrugs off rain.

Once the group deal with their killers?

They hastily make their way out of South Sudan … 

And head for the nearest safe house.

Whilst the team are on the plane home?

All four have the same telepathically induced dream.

They dream about Afghanistan.

Where US Marine, Nile Freeman (KiKi Layne) has just been knife in the neck by an Afghan militant … 

Only to recover, completely … 

And without a scratch.

Copley doesn’t know it, but his boss, Merrick (Harry Melling*), is going to be very interested it Andy’s ragtag group … 

~≈†≈~

Now … what did I make of The Old Guard … ?

I’m tempted to say all sorts of things, I really am.

But I’d hate to be THAT blunt!

I will say this, though: The Old Guard leaves me feeling … neither one thing or the other, I think.

On the one hand?

The basic premise, that a small group of immortal mercenaries is out there, hiring itself out for good causes, keep itself very private in the meantime, and entertaining itself as well as it can†, is a good one.

The actions scenes?

Are very nicely done.

The plot was good … as was the acting.

My biggest problems?

In the immortal words of Mark Kermode, The Old Guard is possibly half an hour too long: cutting some of the flashbacks may have helped.

Yes: the characters seemed realistic.

But yes: I think the dialogue could have done with a little more humour.

The action scenes told us the team knew each other well enough enough to work VERY well, together.

But the dialogue, indeed the tone of some of the scenes, didn’t: not completely.

I think I’d need to see more banter, to be completely convinced the team are what they say they are.

If — as I suspect may happen — The Old Guard gets the franchise treatment?

I’d want to see a little more humour.

We’ll have to see, won’t we?

The Old Guard.
★☆☆☆

*        Who, it turns out, is a cousin of Sam Troughton, and grandson of Patrick Troughton.

†        There’s a nice scene at the start: where Booker, Joe and Nicky give Andy a slice of fresh baklava: and start making bets on whether Andy can identify where it’s from.   That, I thought, was a nicely done scene: it tell us who’s in charge of the group, and that they’ve known each other for long enough to tease each other.   There’s another where Andy gives Booker a vintage book: it’s a nice bit of character dressing.